A Short Introduction to the Reproductive Habits of Demonic Birds
by Dantriestobeproductive
Summary: Neuro gives Yako a present, and Yako is torn between her stomach and her mind. (A sequel to A quick guide to the mating habits of demonic birds and the such.)


This happened thanks to sikaloolala's review and my mind trying to come up with such a scenery in response.

Then I started to laugh and _knew_ I had to write it.

Thanks for all the reviews, guys, and thanks for the idea, sikaloolala!

Warnings: Yako's appetite, slighty NSFW-ish mentions, Neuro's utter bizarreness.

Note: I might have taken some ideas from the fandom on tumblr...or livejournal, but I'm not sure (been a long time since I last looked around tbh), so if you see something familiar, chances are I took it from somewhere else and happily added it to my headcanon folder in my brain. Never say no to bizarre demon biology! 8D

Edit (07/01/2017): fixed the formatting and some wild commas.

* * *

Yako's smile is near maniacal, and the drool escaping from her mouth only adds to the deranged woman picture. Thankfully, they are in their office, so her reputation isn't going to be affected by something like this.

Again.

On her hands, a true treasure rests, and she's already thinking out ways she can cook it. Does she even have a pan big enough to do scrambled eggs so big? No, no, she has to use them in the best possible way. After all, it isn't every day that Neuro gives her two basketball sized eggs as a present.

What animal are they from, anyway? Maybe an ostrich? Eh, not like it matters, they'll surely taste _delicious_...

"Well, louse?" asks Neuro, breaking her happy bubble of salivating at the thought of all the dishes she can cook with such eggs. "Are you going to name them or not?"

Yako blinks and looks at Neuro strangely. When she'd been a little girl she'd taken to name her food before eating it, yes, but everyone had said it was creepy...(there'd also been the incident where she'd named her lunch after a classmate's dog, and when she'd proudly stated that "she'd eaten Yuu-chan whole" the kid had started to cry and scream until his mother had come to school pet in tow to calm him down.)

So why does Neuro want her to name her food now?

"Why?" she asks, curious enough to risk falling into another of the demon's mind games, and he sends her a look that, more than any insult or vexation, states _clearly_ what he thinks of her intelligence.

"Is it not a human custom to name their newborns, woodlouse?" he asks, slightly dubious, and Yako gets the impression he's read it somewhere on the Internet. "Or do you name your spawn after a certain age, like demons do? The Net clearly said the first, but given that most of Wikipedia's articles were mysteriously vandalized..."

_And whose fault would that be?_ Yako thinks dryly, remembering finding the demon laughing evilly with one hand inside the computer a little ago when she'd gotten to the office early. That night she'd seen the news about someone messing with thousands of Wikipedia entries and ciphering them until they looked suspiciously like some of Neuro's demonic pets, and she'd sweat-dropped.

(As far as she knew, the police was still on the case, and Higuchi had complained of being extremely over-worked. Given that he'd been looking like he hadn't slept in years and had been talking to a salt shaker when she'd found him, she easily believed him.)

But then the rest of the sentence sinks in, and her Neuro-alarms start to blare.

"What do you mean, _spawn_?" Yako asks, starting to look at the eggs with some unease. Surely he isn't implying...

"What do you think I mean, woodlouse? Spawn, chicks, children. Ours, specifically," he sounds even proud, by the end.

Yako looks at him with something akin to horror and sits down on the sofa before her hands falter and let the eggs fall.

Joke or not, that would be Bad.

(_Her dinner..._)

"What? Neuro, you're joking...right?" Yako asks feebly, looking at the demon bird she has for a boyfriend. She's starting to feel dazed. "Aren't females supposed to lay eggs, anyway?"

Neuro elegantly lifts an eyebrow, and Yako reminds herself this is _another fucking species_ she's talking about. Oh, gods...

"Don't be daft, Yako. In the Demon World, only lower demons function by these archaic parameters. Noble demons aren't limited like that, and all sexes have the ability to lay," he explains airily, waving a hand as if to point how little that information matters. Yako's torn between horror and bafflement. "What, aren't you happy with my present? Weren't you saying you wanted kids, anyway?"

"_In ten years,_ **_maybe_**, Neuro, and I was talking with Kanae, on the phone!" Yako snaps back, before blinking and looking at the eggs, innocently resting in her arms.

"Are you really saying that these...?"

"Are our spawn? Yes. Fifty-fifty DNA, and all that. Though I'm genuinely curious about how they'll be born, and how many appendages they'll have." Neuro says, rubbing his chin and looking at the eggs with a glint in his eyes.

"How?" Yako asks numbly, brain crashed, eyes still fixed on the eggs.

Neuro sends her a look like he's regretting ever taking her under his wing for a moment.

(Well, Yako would call it abduction and enslavement, but Neuro insists on his term.)

"Well, woodlouse, if your brain is so small that it can't go back to the activities we did in your bedroom some weeks ago..."

"I know about _that_ how, but how would these have half of my DNA?! I don't ejaculate like males do, like _you_ supposedly did!" Yako snaps, too confused to even make a face at her choice of words, unconsciously hugging the eggs closer to her as she glares at the demon.

Neuro looks at her as if he's humoring a flea.

"Demons don't need measly sexual fluids like your physiological inferior species does, louse. A link strong enough and a demonic will is usually all that's needed." Neuro explains, as if a little child, and then smiles _innocently_. "What, you mean you don't like them?"

Yako starts to sweat.

"I-I _do_ like them!" she stammers, _even if I was planning on eating them before knowing_ what _they were_. She sends the eggs a look and her stomach pangs in hunger. Crap.

"You do like my present, then?" Neuro asks cheerfully, and Yako slumps and sighs.

"Yeah, thank you," even if it's really unexpected. And ridiculously _early_. "But Neuro, children aren't presents. You can't go around giving them like present cards or eating discount papers." And that thought makes her stomach pang again... No! They are her children! Even if they are weirdly spotted, vividly colored eggs! Children aren't _food_!

_But..._

Neuro sends her that look that means he doesn't understand and thinks she's just crazy, but nods with mock seriousness like he's humoring a senile woman.

"Of course, louse."

Yako sighs again and looks at the eggs...er, her babies.

...This is surreal, even in _Neuro_ standards.

"And, uh, how long until they hatch?" Yako asks, curious. Should she bring them to their cases? They seem fragile, though with Neuro appearances never are quite enough for making accurate deductions, and she can already imagine the media's reaction to seeing her going around with two huge eggs...

They'll probably think they're her new emergency rations and that she's bought them on the black market.

"Mm? Well, until you want them to, obviously! So if you'd prefer to lock them in a closet for ten years, that's okay, too!" Neuro answers merrily, and Yako looks at the demon dubiously, before looking at the eggs.

She...she can't _lock them_ _in a closet_. Heck, that sounds like child abuse.

"Do they need some kind of special care? A temperature they can't be below of or something?"

"In Hell, some species keep their eggs in volcanoes, or lava pits or even hot springs" Neuro explains with a shrug, half-musing, and Yako bits down the commentary of that sounding more like they're trying to _cook_ the eggs. "But noble demons usually do with ambient temperature, which is still higher than in the human world, or their parents body-temperature. Demons are much more resilient than your species, or any kind of avian you may be comparing me to, woodlouse."

Yako wisely keeps to herself the commentary about Neuro's _very similar_ mating habits to a certain bird species and looks at the eggs with some trepidation.

She...can do this. She can be a mother...maybe. Yeah, she can, she _will_ be, she only...needs them to hatch first, and stop looking like what would make two delicious additions to her diet.

Kami, is she hungry.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

(On a little recess of her mind called sanity she pales at the kind of hunger her and Neuro's children could have, but since she never listens to that part of her brain anyway the fear doesn't see the light. As it happens to be, it would've been a _very_ sensible fear to have.)


End file.
